When I talk about the soul, I’m talking about the part of you that is your core, your essence. It’s the part of you that feels love on its deepest levels. It’s where your passion lies. The part of you that must be fed or it will wither away, taking you with it.
Heavy stuff, right? We generally aren’t conditioned to look that deeply at ourselves. Our educational system isn’t set up to help with that and most parents are focused on keeping their kids alive and happy and deep soul work isn’t exactly part of Dr. Spock’s recommendations.
That’s okay, you’re a grown up now so you can educate yourself and do the work now.
What work, you say? Attending to the wellness of your soul. As with all things wellness-oriented this is a personal journey. Some may choose to follow a path that includes meditation or prayer. Others may educate themselves through reading and listening to podcasts.
Whatever way you choose to attend to your soul you’ll know the work is happening when you feel lit up inside. And you’ll know when you’re going the opposite direction when you feel something dying inside of you.
A number of people have told me that being outside feeds their soul. What they mean is that they feel connected and alive when they’re out in nature. Others have said the rhythm and exhilaration of running does it for them.
Wellness of the soul is the result of true whole being wellness. When you attend to your mind, body and space your soul rejoices.
If you have been feeling disconnected, unmotivated, or lethargic, your soul is probably dying of thirst. If you’ve been feeling rejected, disappointed or angry you’re probably blaming others for your soul not being fed.
This is when writing down all of the things that drain your energy can help. These are all of the things that sap you. That weigh you down with “should”s and “supposed to”s and “wish I had”s. Be honest with yourself when you write this. No one has to see it other than you. Sometimes we don’t want to admit that something is draining us, perhaps because we feel like we’re supposed to be happy we have that thing.
Examples of this might be your children. Yes, you love the little darlings, and it’s totally okay to feel like they are sucking your soul dry. They’re so cute when they’re sleeping, aren’t they? Especially with recent events where children have been home all the freaking time. And the homeschooling! In my recent work with parents I’ve sometimes felt like I’m trying to keep Humpty Dumpty from falling off that wall. So yes, if your beautiful children are draining you, put them on the list. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
Another example might be your job. I’ve had more than one person say in recent months that they feel like they shouldn’t complain about their job, when so many people have lost theirs or been furloughed for extended periods of time. You feeling drained by your job has nothing to do with anyone else’s life. Go ahead and be grateful for the ability to care for yourself and your family financially, and then allow yourself to put your job on the list if it belongs there.
Once you have that list you’ve got some decisions to make and some work to do. When I go through this list with my clients we go slowly and gently. We aren’t going to change the world in one fell swoop. So we look at what we can change today, and what we can start working toward changing.
A great addition to this is a list of the things that energize you. Yes, much less of a downer! I do find a lot of women say it’s easier to write the drainer list than the energizer list. We’re conditioned this way. It’s very primal. The little lizard who lives at the back of your brain (the oldest part of your brain) will have a tizzy when he thinks you’re in danger and makes sure you know all of the things that are going to jump out and eat you. But he kind of forgets about the joys of life. He’s our fight, flight or freeze button-pusher and we need to acknowledge his work so we can move beyond those reactions.
The energizer list is vital. Similar to gratitude lists. It reminds you that there are good things in the world, like a tall cold glass of lemonade on a hot day. When we look at the drainer list and decide we’re going to do something about it, it can help to have our energizers there to lean on.
Energizers might be things like time with your family, time alone, having a fresh haircut, watching the sun set, playing games with friends, doing a job you love, etc. Your list will look different from mine, and mine will look different than the next person’s.
We’re unique. You’ve never lived this life before and neither has anyone else. You are the expert on you. Listen to your mind and body, they will tell you what is feeding or killing your soul. Attend to it intentionally. Love your soul mindfully. You’re going to be okay.
To learn more about the other 3 areas that support the wellness of your soul take a look at my blogs on What Does Wellness Actually Mean?, Wellness For Your Mind, Wellness For Your Body, and Wellness For Your Space.