I’m going to bet you have something in your house you don’t really want to keep, but it reminds you of someone or was given to you as a gift and you feel like you aren’t supposed to get rid of it or you keep stalling out by trying to figure out the perfect way to get rid of it.
What is that thing?
Keep that in mind as you continue to read.
WHAT IS SENTIMENTAL CLUTTER
Sentimental clutter comes in many forms. Today I’m focusing on these four:
Mementos
Gifts from others
Inherited items
Your kids’ stuff
These four categories are not automatically clutter, though. Clutter is the stuff that doesn’t belong.
“Sentimental” clutter makes it sound sweet and harmless, but it’s actually the stuff you hold onto because of of guilt, fear, and sadness.
MEMENTOS
I have mementos from travel that are not clutter. Things I use and things I enjoy are sentimental to a degree, but they are not clutter. There have also been things I’ve broughT home from vacations that have been clutter, like a sweater I wasn’t sure about because the sleeves were a little short, but I got it anyways, because…because I was in the throes of vacation ecstasy.
*These are things we love and display proudly from Peru and Norway.
It’s hard to identify it while you’re on the high of vacation, but try to notice after you get home if you’ve brought something into the house that truly is clutter.
GIFTS
There are lots of gifts you will receive that you will love and cherish. There will also be gifts that you either didn’t want in the first place but were to “polite” to say anything, or that you enjoyed at one time in your life, but no longer use or want and yet still feel obligated to keep.
I once received an incredibly hideous multi-colored scarf made of cheap acrylic that came with a matching hat and mittens. I was younger then so I have empathy for the woman I was at that time who felt she had to use this gift because of who gave it. That was a tough winter.
Never again! I have since actually told someone who bought me a gift that it wasn’t my style, and, as much as I appreciated it, I wouldn’t use the gift. The gift giver (who happened to be married to the one who gave me the scarf combo) was bummed, but accepted what I had to say because it wasn’t out of a lack of appreciation or malice.
Since we usually can’t catch gifts before they are given or before they enter our homes, be sure to take a good hard look at the things that have been gifted to you and decide if they truly belong, or if they are draining energy.
INHERITED ITEMS
We sometimes inherit things we have no use for. Grandma’s costume jewelry, or Aunt Susan’s prized something-or-other that she felt you had always admired so she wanted you to have it. Eek!
I know a family who lost both elderly parents within about a year of each other. This left the adult children to clean out the house and put it up for sale. There were a lot of unaddressed emotions that let this drag on for a number of years, but they eventually got it done.
Afterwards the siblings were talking about mom and dad’s stuff and the eldest sister revealed that she had been taking the items they cleared out and putting them in a storage locker because she didn’t know what to do with them. The younger siblings were shocked because they had thought she was taking everything to donation.
To the credit of the younger sibs, they chose not to get involved and let their sister figure her sentimental clutter issues out on her own.
YOUR KID’S STUFF
Do you have a bin or 20 bins of stuff from your kids?
Do you hold onto it saying “they’ll want this someday” or “what if their kids want to play with the toys their parents played with?”
That’s very sweet, but have you asked your kids if they want those items? If they said no, stop projecting your stuff onto them and acknowledge that you’re keeping it for you own attachment to their childhood.
It’s unlikely that their kids will want to play with the old toys you have, unless they’re pretty special. However, something like a handmade dollhouse deserves to be used. If your kids don’t want it, please sell or donate it so another child can enjoy it.
I will not suggest you to get rid of that stuff until you’ve accepted the passage of time and come to understand your attachment is not what your relationship with your kids is all about.
HOW TO DECIDE WHAT STAYS AND WHAT GOES
Take it slow and easy when you do decide to declutter sentimental items. There are a lot of feelings to be had here and there’s no reason to do anything you aren’t ready for.
As with all decluttering it comes down to asking yourself questions:
What is the purpose of keeping this?
How much do I want to keep?
How do I feel when I look at this? Do I want to keep feeling like that?
Would Aunt Susan really want me to keep this? If so, why?
Am I honoring this or the memory by keeping it?
Am I displaying or using this? If not, why am I keeping it?
Is keeping this holding me back in any way?
Keep asking more and more questions until you understand why you are or are not keeping something.
I have seen the process of figuring out what to do with the clutter of a deceased spouse last years, but they were years in which the widow was really thinking about the items and working through a lot of stuff, both physical and emotional. Because of that, each time she got rid of something she knew why and was at peace with it, even getting to feel a sense of relief.
YOUR ITEM AND BEYOND
I asked you to keep an item in mind while you read this. Do you know what to do with it yet? If not there’s a lot more we can do to get you your answer. I would love to hear what your item was and where you’re at with it so please do send me a message through Facebook or Instagram @soulfulspace.coaching or email me at kate@soulfulspacecoaching.com. I can wait to hear about it!
For all of the other stuff, a combination of integrative life coaching and straight-up virtual declutter coaching will get the job done. I can sort through things with you (even virtually!), ask you the questions you need, offer you the support and validation of the experience, and make it less overwhelming.
Set up your coaching today. We’ll talk about what you need to accomplish, and create a plan, then you can prop the computer up in the room you’re working in and I’ll walk through it all with you. I don’t always love technology, but this is one of my favorite uses!
I look forward to helping you free yourself from clutter that no longer serves you.