In decluttering your life, you will come across things you’ve spent money on that will be hard to let go of because of that money you spent.
I came across this phrase recently, “The tyranny of sunk costs.” It’s meant to describe how we get more and more attached to things the more we spend. Then we become trapped by our stuff and our spent money.
If you’ve been spending money on a project that keeps going and going and never seems to be complete so you keep spending money on it, there has to be a point at which you say enough. But we can get caught up in the idea that we’ve spent this amount of money on the project so far, and we have to keep going to validate the money spent.
What about objects you’ve spent money on? That shirt you splurged on and then never wore.
Things other people spend money on for you? Like a set of dishes your parents bought you for your wedding that you realize in retrospect you don’t even like.
Or experiences you spend money on that you aren’t enjoying.
You can stop. Stop buying things you don’t use, stop adding to a collection you don’t care about, stop accepting gifts you don’t want. Stop wasting time doing things you don’t like.
If you can say enough at some point you can become content. Content with what is.
There are costs you’re incurring other than money. Are these things costing you joy? Time? Is any of this costing you your peace of mind? Does the spent money cost you sleep?
What if your home weren’t filled with things that drain your energy? Would you feel any less like you were bound and chained to your belongings?
Think about that phrase again: “The tyranny of sunk costs”. Yes, your stuff, your beliefs, and your feelings become tyrannical. Think of them as a big T-Rex stomping around your home and your head. Not peaceful at all!
Then there’s the word “sunk.” I think of sunken ships that litter the ocean floor, forgotten and forlorn. Covered in seaweed and falling to ruin. That isn’t an image I want to associate with my life, and my home.
But, it’s true. When we are trapped by our own beliefs about money and spending, we are terrorized and weighed down, slowly falling apart.
I know an amazing woman whose journey showed her the sunken costs in her home were what weighed her down. She had purchased a huge beautiful home when her business started taking off. It was a glorious symbol of her achievement and success. But it wasn’t practical and this fantastic emblem became an albatross. There were bills to be paid, children to put through school, and a large home to maintain.
This was a smart woman and she downsized. “Ah,” she thought, “now I’ll be happy.” But this mama bear house was still too big. She and her 3 children didn’t need this much space either and the cost of this smaller home still wasn’t quite in the realistic range and was still trying to prove something about her value that she did not need to prove.
One more move did it. A small baby bear house to account for her moderate lifestyle, her children getting old enough to head off to college and the variability of a small business owner’s pocketbook was just right. It was like magic. She stopped lying to herself about why she did what she did in her life. She got honest about who she was and what her worth was. In the end it wasn’t just a house that changed, it was an entire person.
Watching this woman, mother, and business owner go through this transformation was so gratifying it brough a tear to my eye. That’s not even a metaphor. I really teared up when she crossed the threshold into this new understanding of the cost of life and what she really wanted to spend her time, energy, love and money on.
What Expenses Trap You?
Is it fantasy vacations? Cars? Clothes to fit a roll you play in life? Things for your kids they don’t want or need? Gifts for holidays and birthdays? A gym membership you never use?
Guilt and shame can consume us when money is involved. Notice if that’s happening to you. Notice if your purchases and investments have become the enemy. Begin to disentangle yourself and step away. Notice how light you feel. No more sinking, just floating to the top.
The emotional ties money creates in our culture can be so tight we don’t know how to get out of them. That’s why I’m here to coach you. Reach out for support and I’ll walk through this with you. You are not alone.