How many times do you tell yourself you’re bad at something? Or you can’t do something? How often do you say crappy things to yourself like how stupid you are or how you’re definitely going to fail?
I truly hope your answer is rarely or never. On the too likely chance that you say these things, other unhelpful things, or all of the above, let’s work on changing that.
What you’re doing is creating the outcome before it even happens. These are limiting beliefs. Tell yourself you’ll fail and that’s what will happen. Hey, at least you won’t be surprised.
What if you too the risk (because I know it feels like a risk) to say you’re going to kick ass and take names at this thing you’re going to do? I’ll tell you what, you’ll do exactly that!
Is it that simple? Yup.
No, seriously, it really is that simple. We make things so much more complicated than they need to be. Get out there, do what you love. Learn a new skill and put it to work. Challenge yourself to be something you haven’t been yet or never thought you could be before.
If I told myself I was going to fail before I started, I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this for you to read. I would have curled up in a ball and given up years ago. Back when I was a teenager and didn’t quite fit in. When I was in college and was rejected by friends I trusted. When every boy I dated turned out to be a tool. When I quit a toxic job in graphic design and couldn’t get another to save my life… And that just gets us up to my early 20’s. 25 plus years later I’ve had more than enough potential road blocks.
I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else. I’m not saying you need to be like me. I’m saying I know what it’s like to doubt yourself. I’ve labeled myself over and over, just like you have. And every day I choose to notice any limiting beliefs I have and consciously shift them.
That’s what you’re going to do.
Let’s say you believe you’re just a messy person so you’ll never be able to have a tidy home you’re proud of. Limiting belief!
Do you have evidence that you are incapable of being tidy? Do you have evidence that you can’t learn how to keep your home the way you wish it was? No, I’m guessing you don’t. Have you tried? I mean have you really tried?
Not that half-assed trying that we use to tell ourselves that we tried and failed. I’m looking for that real effort. Have you sought out information from books, friends, or a coach like me? Have you created a plan and slowly eased yourself into it? Have you given yourself a chance to succeed?
Limiting beliefs come from a deep place inside of you that is sometimes terrified to succeed. That core place in you says that you aren’t good enough, that you’re asking too much, that you don’t deserve to have what you want.
You are in fact good enough, we all are. You are most definitely not asking too much to want to have more.
Do you see yourself as being different than other people? That they are deserving and capable, but somehow the universe created you as the one person on the planet who is supposed to get less than everyone else?
I say this next part with all the love of the deepest parts of my heart and soul – get over it. You were born equal to everyone else and haven’t lost a drop of your value since then. Those limiting beliefs you cling to are what hide you from that truth.
From now on you have a job: Whenever you notice yourself saying anything with a negative tinge to it about yourself or your abilities you will stop. You will take a deep breath. You will rephrase what you just said.
“I can’t” becomes “This will be tough and I am going to give it all I can to see how it goes.”
“I’m going to fail so I might as well not try in the first place” becomes “I have never done this before so I don’t know how it will turn out, but, one way or the other, I’m going to learn something.”
“I hate [fill in something you’ve never tried]” becomes “I don’t know until I try!”
That last one is near and dear to my heart. If I still said that the way I used to I never would have learned how much I like most seafood (not all, but I keep trying new things), and I never would have done yoga. I can’t imagine my life without yoga, but there was a time when I was convinced it was stupid, and I can’t believe I lived 40 years without fish tacos!
What might you discover about yourself that will change your life? You won’t know until you try.