In March 2020 when the world began to respond to the crisis of a pandemic, we were all so thrown that we didn’t have time to think about the social/emotional impact of not being able to have regular social interactions, hugs from friends, in-person school for some, or not being able to see your family members.
Then time marched on and we started to feel the anxiety rise. At the same time tragedies rocked the country and emotions ran high to say the least. Unease, unrest.
Even as states began to open up and the warm weather allowed for small gatherings and socializing, there was still this little gnat in the general subconscious of the people of the world at large.
An edginess that you couldn’t put your finger on. It wasn’t depression exactly. It wasn’t anxiety exactly. It was like the hum of a mosquito that you couldn’t find.
It was the pressure of the year crushing those who hadn’t been able to find their balance. A year in which we’ve all been conditioned into hypervigilance – alertly waiting for the next unpredictable change. As we’ve adjusted to one change, another appears. Then we get used to that one and things change again. Over and over. It’s exhausting without that balance to keep you steady.
There have been many who were able to use the time of their quarantine, confinement, shelter in place, whatever you want to call it, to learn to enjoy a slower life, to grow, and to achieve. To declutter and decorate – lots of that happened!
There are also many who had unexpected financial difficulties. There are millions of parents who suddenly became teachers to their children whether they wanted to or not. People are working from home who have discovered they had liked working outside the home and they are really over all of this.
That’s a phrase I hear a lot. “I’m so over COVID”. With due respect to medical professionals whom I know who become very agitated when they hear something like this, I will say that’s not a statement meant to be dismissive of the virus and the pain it has caused. It’s a statement about the tensions so many people are feeling as they wait for life to get back to “normal”.
How do you cope? How do you not take things out on others? How do you resist the urge to project all of your frustrations into the wrong places that you’ll later regret?
The first step is going to be to stop using terms like “new normal” or “get back to the way things were”. Saying this is a new normal maintains the idea that things are bad. That the world is wrong somehow now. And, to think you can ever go back to anything is a trap that keeps you from ever feeling normal again.
We don’t go backward. We move forward. It’s the only direction we have until someone invents a time machine. The sci-fi writers have predicted everything so far so I’m sure the time machine is on its way. Until it gets here, though, we can only move forward.
The next step is to acknowledge how you’re feeling instead of pretending you’re fine. I really don’t like that word, “fine”. It seems like such a throwaway word with little to no meaning. How do you feel? Confused? Scared? Peaceful? Whatever you feel right now is going to change, and that’s okay. Feelings aren’t dangerous, it’s how we act out of those feelings that can become a problem. So, if you feel at peace one day and mysteriously feel like crawling out of your skin and punching someone in the face the next day, notice it, and try not to take it out on yourself or anyone else.
With these ideas in mind we have now accepted that what is, is. We’ve accepted that we can’t go backward, only forward. We’re aware of our feelings. Great! Now you can get more planful with your days so that you feel like you have a reason to get up in the morning other than life obligations.
Finding a sense of purpose is important for all people and you are no different. This can be small or large. A daily purpose or a long-term goal.
It’s hard to give you a ton of direction for this because we’re all so different. What gives me a sense of purpose may mean nothing to your life. What is a perfect goal for you may not make any sense to someone else.
What do you do with your days lately? Are you in a rut? Do you feel like you don’t have control over your own life? What would shake up your routine and take you out of the rut? What can you do that takes back control of an area of your life?
It can be easy to say that you can’t think of anything or that you don’t have a choice. Wrong. That’s a limiting belief and it will sink you.
Take the time to sit with these questions. Find things that feel good. Do them. Live by your values.
To recap:
Let go of what “normal” should be.
Become accepting of life today instead of wanting to go back to life before COVID.
Acknowledge how you’re really feeling – what came before the anger?
Find a purpose for your days that has meaning for you.
As long as you see 2020 as “bad” and as having taken things from you, as something that has victimized you, you will feel lost. As long as you choose to be a victim to the events of this year you will probably take it out on someone else and then feel like crap for having done so.
You are not a victim. This has been a year with more than unusual events and I will not invalidate how challenging it has been. It is now up to you how you respond.
And, if you find that putting these steps into action is tougher than it sounds, I’m here to coach you through it. Don’t hesitate to get in touch before it gets too bad.