How many times do you think you’ve said, “I don’t have enough time!”? I’m guessing you’re like the rest of us and the answer is, a lot.
How often has that really been true, though? As I was writing this, I was going to be generous and say it’s probably about 20% of the time. Then I thought more about it and I’m now going to say, it’s only been once or twice in your life.
What!? Am I nuts? Yes, but that’s a totally different discussion. What I’m not, is wrong.
Time is not some ever-changing element that we battle. It’s nice and constant. 3:00 comes at exactly 3:00 every day. You know that ahead of time.
The battle is with yourself. It’s all those lies you tell yourself about time. Those lies that give you permission to prioritize things in a way that leaves little to no time for some other things.
I don’t care what you prioritize. I care that you aren’t honest with yourself. Dishonesty doesn’t bode well for any relationship, especially one with yourself.
If it’s more important to you to avoid the anxiety you’re afraid you’ll feel when you get to that appointment than to be on time, you’ll drag your feet and come up with 10 reasons why you ran out of time. They’ll all be lies, though. Because you didn’t run out of time. There was plenty of time to get there when you said you would. You chose not to.
What you value is important. And there isn’t some law out there saying you have to make everyone else’s priorities yours. The clearer you are about what is most important to you long and short-term the more likely you are to have all the time you need and to stop lying to yourself.
Sound good? Great, get started! You’re still a little confused? Feeling on the defense as though I’ve accused you of something? Yeah, we don’t like to look at ourselves as liars. It’s really uncomfortable.
What’s more uncomfortable? To admit you lie to yourself about time and priorities? Or to be honest with yourself about what your priorities really are and make more intentional choices?
Do this for me, the next time you feel yourself saying you don’t have time to do something stop and think about it for a bit. Ask yourself a few questions:
Do I really not have enough time?
How did I use my time or how am I planning to use my time instead?
If I decided I really did want to make this thing happen, could I?
If logically I know I could find the time, and I keep choosing to not get it done, what’s really going on?
What feelings come up when I think about creating the time to do that thing? Relief? Resentment?
For myself, I had a small laughing fit the day I realized how much I used to lean on saying I didn’t have time. It was a wonderful excuse to throw out there. I could be the victim of time with no responsibility for the outcome.
Now, when I notice the thought come up, I check myself with those questions I gave you. My response is generally, “Ugh, that’s not true, I do have the time, I just don’t wanna.” And then I get to look at the reasons I don’t want to do the thing in question.
This honesty with yourself business is a pain in the rear. Ignorance is more of a pain, though. Honesty means you take responsibility for things and don’t blame others or things like time for your ‘mistakes’. Own it. Own the heck out of it. Own the reality of how beautifully human you are.
I learned to stop saying it was road construction when I was late (except for when it really is construction given that I live in the Midwest and it’s one of our two seasons, the other being winter). I learned to apologize and not bother with an excuse and only give an explanation when asked for one.
My clients all know I value honesty over pretty much anything else. I love it when they tell me something honest that “doesn’t sound good”.
You can face whatever your issues are with time, priorities and honesty. It’ll be uncomfortable but the relief on the other side will be worth all of the work.
Coaching sessions with me are exactly what will give you the space to do that work. Helping someone put puzzle pieces together is one of my favorite pastimes and you’ll learn to love it, too!