How many times have you looked in a mirror and been unhappy with something you saw? Do you then criticize yourself?
Or do you check yourself and take a moment to notice something you like in that mirror?
Our culture tells us to want to be anything but who we are.
Thinner
Not so skinny
More fit
Less muscular
Plumper skin
Flawless skin
Taller
Shorter
Longer, thicker hair
Shorter, trendier hair
Do you see what I’m doing here? If you judge yourself on messages our culture gives you as to what your body is supposed to look like, you’ll never be good enough.
Instead, you would be better off being kind, and generous with your body. Afterall, it’s the only one you have.
There are two main categories I see women fretting about:
Weight
Movement
To reach goals in either of these areas it’s important to love and accept what you have today. If you hate what you have, you’ll punish yourself, which will not lead to happiness. If you accept what you have, you’ll give yourself a chance to create lasting change.
WEIGHT
We are conditioned to never be happy with the body we have. Our weight is somehow always wrong. How is that possible!?
Because thin is a supposed goal in today’s society, it’s assumed that if you’re thin, you’re automatically happy with your body. Not necessarily so. If you’re thin, you may have people telling you that you need to eat more, even if this is your normal weight. This can lead to feeling self-conscious and insecure about your body. That you don’t have enough muscle, you’re too boney, or you don’t have womanly curves.
But if you’re curvy, you suddenly feel as though you’re “fat”. Insecurities flood you. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Then, if you’re over what is considered a healthy BMI (Body Mass Index, body fat percentage) you’re supposed to feel ashamed of yourself and hate your body. Now, instead of people encouraging you to eat more, they are not so subtly suggesting you slow down on eating. Your doctor is giving you a lecture every time you see her. And social media is telling you that you’re supposed to look like that skinny girl, who we just said probably isn’t feeling great about her own body either!
WEIGHT GOALS
Gain weight, lose weight! You can’t stop paying attention or else you’ll lose control, then you’re screwed. Motivation to be a different weight than you are tends to feed on fear and pain, which are not long-term motivators.
Pleasure is the long-term motivator. Feeling good. Liking yourself. Loving your body as it is, while still having goals for it. Being kind to yourself. Giving yourself grace, while also maintaining your commitments to yourself.
The people I see who set and achieve weight goals are those who want to feel good. They make the choice to take care of themselves because they decide they are worth the effort. They stick to their commitments not because they are ashamed of being overweight or underweight, but because they feel good living with healthy habits.
If you are someone who wants to change her weight, you’re going to have to believe you deserve it. You’re going to have to love your body enough to care for it.
MOVEMENT
When you do want to change something in your body, you may turn to exercise. Frankly, I hope you’re getting movement of some sort in whether it’s to change your body, maintain your body, or to simply feel good. Movement is a key component to mental health. When we’re sedentary physically, we tend to become sedentary mentally.
If you workout to punish yourself for not having the right body, it’s going to suck. Eventually you’ll stop doing it, because of the suck.
If you move your body to feel good, you’ll want to keep doing it. So, if you want to work on movement, you’re going to need to listen to your body and do what it asks. Some days you’ll be able to do more or less than others. Be okay with that.
MOVEMENT GOALS
People ask me all the time what they should be doing for exercise. Instead of pretending I can tell anyone what the “right” thing to do is, I turn the question around and ask them what they enjoy doing.
If my client likes walking I ask her how she can get walks in. If she likes strength, I ask her how she could incorporate strength training in her life. Pilates, yoga, running, the gym, Orange Theory, barre, swimming, YouTube…the list of possibilities go on and on.
Well, then she asks me how much is good enough. I can’t answer that for her either. What I will say is that I want her to be realistic. What would be a challenge, but totally do-able? What is ridiculous to ask of herself?
One woman wanted to take walks but was worried because she had been working at a sedentary job for a couple of years and it hurt when she tried to walk more than 5-10 minutes. Her lungs would hurt, and her body would ache. She thought it wasn’t good enough to start at five minutes. I said baloney!
She started doing 10 minutes at lunch five days a week. It was hard at first, but got easier. Then she added walking the dog for 10 minutes. Each time her body was ready, she increased a reasonable amount.
I know other women who get an hour at the gym in five days a week. And still others who do a combination of restorative yoga and vinyasa (flow) yoga classes.
Your movement goal may be big or small. The amount doesn’t matter. It’s how it honors your body. Remember, we’re loving our bodies, not criticizing them for not doing enough!
THE TAKE AWAY
You get this one body to work with in this lifetime. Be good to it so that it can carry you through your journey. Your health and enjoyment of life is far more important than some ideal of weight and movement.
Being mean to yourself and your body isn’t a sustainable way to reach your goals. Being kind, accepting, and loving is. You can be all of those things while still working toward those goals. Kindness is not counter to achievement. It supports achievement.
Create your goals. Ask yourself if they’re realistic, or idealistic. Challenge yourself, while honoring your limits. Understand that you will be different day to day, week to week. If you eat something that isn’t on plan, you didn’t blow the whole day. If you didn’t exercise on a day you planned to, you didn’t blow the whole week.
And, above all, love yourself and your body!