What do you think of when you imagine the home of a perfectionist? A beautifully organized pantry? Flawless décor? Shiny and clean at all times? Not a bit of clutter to be seen?
Sometimes that’s true, sometimes it isn’t.
Often a person with perfectionistic tendencies is actually overwhelmed by the clutter in her home. That overwhelm can freeze her in place so that all of the things she wants to get done, don’t get done.
People with cluttered homes who do lean on perfectionism, usually don’t even know that’s what the problem is with their home. They assume they’re lazy, or a slob, or disorganized, or incapable of following through.
When the truth is that they want perfection so badly that they’re looking for the perfect place to start. They’re afraid they’ll somehow do it wrong, which equals failure in the eyes of a perfectionist. So, they stall out and think there’s something wrong with themselves.
WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM
Merriam Webster Dictionary defines “perfectionism” as:
“A disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable”
Ugh, that sounds like torture!
Perfection doesn’t actually exist. The concept of perfection is that there are zero flaws. That doesn’t happen in reality. There are always flaws. Sometimes the flaws are the best part of something, making it unique and special.
In regards to decluttering your home, perfectionism is the idea that the space is always exactly as it is meant to be. It is clean, tidy, visually appealing, and whatever else you perceive to be criteria for perfection.
Notice the word “perceive”.
That’s the problem with perfection, it’s all in the eye of the beholder. What I think is perfect, may not be anywhere in your realm of perfection. What you think is the best, most perfect thing in the entire world, someone else may see as being hideous, or ridiculous.
This is why you cannot rely on anyone else’s perspective to tell you what your home ought to look like. They may have a different vision than you, and you’re the one who lives in the house, so your vision is the right one.
Anywhere you start is right. Whatever you do, as long as it feels right, is right.
PERFECTION ISN’T POSSIBLE
It’s usually thought that the home of a perfectionist is, well, perfect. It is somehow owned and cared for by someone who clearly has no other obligations (like a job, kids, relationships, family, personal pursuits of happiness, etc.) in their life.
If this person had any of those other obligations, they could never keep this perfect home in order!
Sure, you may go over to a friend’s house and think their kitchen is perfect. What you’re saying is that you think it’s really great. You aren’t actually saying it’s flawless.
The person who does expect perfection, however, is looking for flawless. That’s a lot of pressure, and it isn’t possible.
Are there some perfectionists who have immaculate, tidy homes? Absolutely! Ask them how much energy they give to their home, and what it costs them in things like sleep, energy, mood, or self-love, though.
If your expectation of yourself or your home is perfection, you’re setting yourself up for what you will perceive as failure from the beginning.
THE FROZEN PERFECTIONIST
Where do I start? What’s the right thing to do first? What order should I do this in? What if I don’t have enough time to do everything I want? What if I do something wrong? What if I declutter something I regret later?
The perfectionist who is overwhelmed by the daily tasks and untidiness of her home is one who often turns a blind eye so she can pretend things are okay. She will close the door to rooms she doesn’t want to think about. She’ll keep saying she’s going to do something and never get around to it, then feel awful about herself.
The danger here is the pile-up. If you can’t figure out what to do with that pile of stuff in the basement and ignore it, you’ll probably pile more stuff on it over the course of time. Now the pile is bigger, and therefore more overwhelming.
This is how homes end up with basements, attics, garages, and various rooms filled to the brim with goodness knows what.
She probably thinks she’s a slob. But that isn’t fair. She’s actually so fearful of making the wrong choice or starting in the wrong place that she can’t get herself to take action. Criticism doesn’t help. Acceptance and grace do.
This behavior can also reflect how you take care of yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by your home so you ignore it and let it fall to ruin, is that what you do with your own physical and mental health?
NOT LETTING PERFECTIONISM TAKE CONTROL
If your happiness hinges on your home being perfect, you will always be in distress.
Perfect doesn’t exist.
Everything is slightly flawed, slightly off-center, slightly dinged up, including us humans.
When you let the idea that things must be perfect control your life, you are not in control of anything. Your fear is what’s in control. Whether you stress about every fingerprint, or you ignore the chaos, you are at the mercy of perfection.
Taking control is when you notice how you’re thinking, and become solution-focused. You let go of the idea that your worth is based on the state of your home. You take a chance and start.
With Decluttering Coaching I can help you identify the barriers to having a tidy home you are facing, including perfectionism. Once you understand your current mindset, we can work on shifting it to a mindset that is helpful, instead of harmful.
We’ll have you in action before you know it!