Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard that it takes twenty-one days to build a new habit.
I’m guessing most of you raised your hand. Many of you have probably even lived by this, trying to stick to twenty-one days, hoping that will be the magic number that will make this habit stick this time.
If you’ve ever made it to twenty-one days in trying to build a new habit, and then found it slipping away shortly after, you may have thought you did something wrong. If it takes twenty-one days to build a habit and it didn’t work for me, does that mean there’s something wrong with me?
No. Why?
Because twenty-one days is only the beginning!
THE TRUTH
Please do not get discouraged. There is a time-line of learning that I’ll share with you. Learning is what is essential to habit building and maintaining.
Here’s a quick break-down:
Two weeks to show your commitment to a new habit.
Three weeks to show you’re serious.
Four weeks and you’ll hopefully be seeing results.
Three months and you’ve established this new habit as a part of your routine.
Six months a lightbulb goes off, and you know you’ve got it.
One year to look back and see all that you’ve achieved, and learned about yourself.
In year two you go through all of the milestones a year holds with your shiny new habit in place, working around holidays, vacations, and other interruptions.
Yes, I wish the human brain moved faster than that, too. But it doesn’t. There is physical change happening to your brain when you learn and when you introduce anything new, and your brain needs time to make those changes.
The brain uses something called “neuroplasticity”, aka, flexibility. When you learn something new your brain either makes new neurons (the things that fire around in your brain when you think) or your existing neurons create new connections.
This doesn’t happen overnight.
You have to give your brain time to take in new information and physically change, so that your new habit gets anchored in it.
TWO WEEKS
Think about your life. How many things have you started with energy and excitement and, within, two weeks, something has derailed you, and the new venture goes by the wayside?
I do not have a nice scientific explanation for you as to why this is, but I have observed we only stay in “crisis” for two weeks or less. By crisis I mean any heightened state of awareness, like when you’re focused on a new habit.
So, if you start a new habit, and you make it to fourteen days, give yourself a pat on the back! You’ve hit your first milestone.
THREE WEEKS
Now, you could get all excited about fourteen days, and crap out at fifteen days. Making it to two weeks showed your commitment. This third week is when it gets hard.
You aren’t excited and revved up anymore. You still want this thing, but that emotion that was driving you for the first two weeks is sliding away, and you’re having to find new motivation. Usually this comes in the form of how important your goal is to you, even if the big payoff won’t show up for a while.
FOUR WEEKS
At four weeks you’ve shown commitment, and you’ve begun facing the work and the truth about what you are willing to do to get what you want.
Depending on what you’ve been doing, you are probably seeing some sort of result at this point. This isn’t universal, but it happens often enough that it’s worth noting.
This is if you have been consistent for these four weeks.
If you’ve done a little here, done a little there, skipped a day or five, and generally not taken your commitment seriously, you’re unlikely to see results.
In 2009 after four weeks of doing 10-minute workouts every day, I looked down at my leg and saw a quadricep muscle poking out above my knee. I suddenly realized I actually had the ability to change the shape of my body! And I was motivated again.
Results help keep us going. Manage your expectations of the results you’re looking for, of course. Be realistic. Don’t think that you’re going to (healthily) lose 40 pounds in four weeks.
Let any results be motivating, do not be dismissive of the work you are putting in.
THREE MONTHS
By the time you hit the three-month mark of consistent action, you’re be feeling pretty steady in your routine. It’s be becoming a natural part of your life.
Notice the milestone and think about what you’ve achieved. At three months, in 2009, I had officially been consistent with a workout routine (still ten minutes a day) for longer than ever in my adult life. I was consistent, and committed because I saw what I could do, and that it netted results. I was proud of myself
Pat yourself on the back, but don’t get cocky.
I remember being terrified to go on vacation at this point. I had no evidence I would keep at it. I had a lot more evidence that I was on the brink of stopping as I had time and time before.
SIX MONTHS
This is the big one. I have seen person after person hit six months and suddenly realize they know what they’re doing. They get it, they have a plan, they know enough to make adjustments as needed, and are like little birds ready to leave the nest.
Whether it’s a new habit, a new job, a new school, a new home, or whatever else new you might have in your life. Six months is a line in the sand for the human brain that I’ve observed repeatedly.
I’m not saying you’ve perfected anything at this point. But you have turned a page in your life book.
I’ve experienced it myself, but it’s really the most fun for me to see clients or employees hit the six-month mark. I see excitement in their eyes, and the revelation that they can do it, whatever it is. You can too!
ONE YEAR
In between six months and one year, you may be playing around with your new habit, trying a little something different here or there, but maintaining the commitment. You might even be adding to it, if you’ve felt ready to take on more.
The one-year mark is always a big one. We love symbolism. One full calendar year symbolizes something to each of us. Achievement and success. I hope you’re feeling damn proud of yourself at this point.
YEAR TWO
In the second year of living with a newly established habit you get to go through all of the holidays, vacations, parties, illnesses, and other natural disruptions we all experience in life.
You’ll see how you deal with being thrown off your routine now and then. Do you pick it right back up as soon as you can? Do you grumble and eventually get back into it? Do you do some starting and stopping before reestablishing your pattern?
You continue to learn about yourself. You learn about what works for you and what doesn’t.
You might notice that a routine that made sense in your life a year ago, needs reconsidering because of a life change. Maybe you’ve had a baby. Maybe you have a new job with new hours. Maybe something has changed with your kids or your spouse that impacts your time.
Play with it as much as you need. Keep coming back to what your goals are and ask yourself if you are continuing to work toward them, even if they’ve changed.
ACCOUNTATBILY
Not everyone needs accountability or guidance in building new habits. However, it can be a game changer for others.
In 2020 during quarantine (starting mid-March), I had a workout buddy whom I texted with every morning. Neither of us could go to the gym or the Pilates and yoga studios we wanted, so we decided to encourage each other. By my 46th birthday in June of 2020, I was in the best shape of my life, and I was amazed at what that gentle, encouraging accountability did for me.
You don’t have to be alone. Integrative Life Coaching is a way you can have support, accountably, and guidance in setting and achieving goals.
I look forward to hearing what your goals are and watching you commit to yourself to reach them!