When we have an unpleasant task in front of us, we love to procrastinate and make excuses.
Most people don’t give enough credit to how emotionally triggering and overwhelming decluttering can be. All of the thoughts and feelings that come up make you want to run away. The sheer volume of the clutter halts you in your steps because you have no idea where to start.
This is why I coach on the subject of decluttering. Services that come into your home and declutter your space in an afternoon don’t give you the chance to figure out how it got this way in the first place. Services that create organizational systems for you don’t give you the opportunity to process how you organize, which can lead to clutter regrowth within at least one year.
As a coach I’m a support to help you figure out what is behind your excuses so you can finally move forward and never have to look.
EXCUSES
If you’re honest with yourself you may already know your excuses are stall tactics.
I don’t have time
I need to collect boxes
I don’t know what to do with any of it
I have a bad back and can’t lift anything heavy
Every time I go to do it something interrupts me
I’ll get to it after [fill in the blank]
It isn’t that big of a problem
We go out of town too often to get to it
We have too many social engagements getting in the way
I work late every day
Do I really have to keep going with this list? I could, because I’ve heard them all.
To get to the point where you can stomach starting a decluttering project, you’re going to have to get honest with yourself.
All of those excuses are what you use to not engage in self-care, too. It’s too easy to put yourself and your happiness on the back burner when there are so many other things to be distracted by.
Caring for your home is a form of caring for yourself. If you don’t believe in your heart that you are deserving, or good enough, or worthy of a contented life and a home free of chaos, you will find excuses to get out of decluttering your home and your life.
OVERWHELM
Overwhelm happens when you look at a task and your brain fritzes out because you have no idea where to start. You don’t even know how to start thinking about where to start.
You look into the room you keep the door closed to, or the basement, the garage, the pantry, or your whole house, and the magnitude of the task makes you want to run for the hills.
Another reason you may feel overwhelmed by a decluttering project are all of the feelings that come up when you look at or think about it. Feelings like:
Shame
Fear of doing it wrong
Fear of failure
Guilt
Anger with yourself
Sadness
When you feel overwhelmed you want to curl up in a ball and ignore the whole thing.
DECLUTTERING IS EMOTIONAL
We usually do anything in our power to avoid all of those scary emotions. That’s where the excuses come from. The emotions tell your brain you’re in danger (no matter how illogical that sounds).
We seek safety in any way we can. If your brain decides dealing with the feelings that the clutter brings up is dangerous in any way, it will figure out how to get you out of it.
The only way decluttering is dangerous is when it is done thoughtlessly, and when other people make decisions for you against your will or wishes.
You need to be gentle with yourself as you approach your decluttering project.
Even if you can deal with the emotions that keep you from starting, there are more thoughts and feelings that may surface once you do start.
You may be taken back to your childhood (good or bad)
Emotions about your children, their lives, and your relationships with them may arise
Realizations about yourself may surface creating confusion amongst other feelings
You may get lost in old memories
Even grief may come to the surface
Your hesitations, your excuses, are ways your mind has been trying to protect you from all of these feelings. You will have to do the work to be ready to process and face them.
IT GETS BETTER
The wonderful thing about decluttering is that there are a ton of wonderful emotions to be had once you begin to see progress.
Relief
Lightness
Happiness
Pride
Excitement
These are just a few of the words my clients use when they see change happening. This is immensely gratifying for me as their coach. I put a lot of my own heart into the work I do and every step my clients make is a win I have the honor of witnessing.
I find that, once we address the emotion behind the excuses, and clients get down and dirty with their clutter, it becomes exciting instead of intimidating. The excuses go away and motivation steps in.
Note: Stay focused on one area at a time.
When you allow yourself to start in one place then wander to another, you will become overwhelmed again, because you aren’t seeing progress. When you start thinking about all of the other stuff you need to do while in the middle of your current task, you’ll get overwhelmed again.
You want to be able to keep going and reach your goals. Trust me when I say you can get there.
Address your emotions
Sit with the thoughts and feelings that come up
Give yourself permission to begin
Stay focused
Reassess if the original plan isn’t working
Let yourself feel all the joyous feelings when you see your accomplishments no matter how small
Do all of this and the excuses won’t have a place in your life any longer.
Like I said earlier, I do the work I do with Decluttering Coaching because I understand the mental and emotional causes of clutter build up, and why you’re resistant to dealing with it.
We can work together to give control over your home back to you.