Understanding whether you are an introvert, extrovert, or even an ambivert (in between) helps to understand why you operate the way you do. When you understand that you can make more conscious choices for yourself.
Our world needs both introverts and extroverts.
Balance. If everyone was an extrovert, we’d destroy ourselves. If everyone was an introvert, we’d never meet each other and die off.
Not understanding you are one or the other can lead to self-criticism when you don’t meet expectations.
For example, an extrovert may criticize herself if she finds she needs to socialize regularly to feel good. She may have been given the message that her need for social interaction is bad or attention-seeking.
An introvert may criticize herself because she enjoys staying home, and doesn’t like to spend too much time around other people. She may think there’s something wrong with her because she doesn’t have as much energy as other people in her life.
WHAT ARE INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS?
The short-form accepted definitions of introvert and extrovert are:
The extrovert is energized by the party.
The introvert is drained by the party.
To take it a step further answer the following questions:
When you’re at a party do you…
Interact with a lot of people?
Interact with a few people you know?
At parties do you…
Stay late, with increasing energy?
Leave early, with decreased energy?
In your social group do you…
Keep abreast of what’s happening in their lives?
Get behind on the news?
When you make a phone call do you…
Rarely question that everything you need to say will get said?
Rehearse what you’re going to say ahead of time?
When you’re with other people do you…
Initiate conversations?
Wait to be approached?
Does new and non-routine interaction with others…
Stimulate and energize you?
Tax your reserves?
Do you prefer to have…
Lots of friends with brief contact?
A few core friends with greater contact?
Do you…
Speak easily and at length with strangers?
Find little to say to strangers?
When your phone rings (before you can see who it is) do you…
Jump to get it before it stops ringing?
Let it go to voicemail?
Do you tend to be…
Easy to approach?
Somewhat reserved?
Add up all of your A’s an B’s. If you have more A’s you’re an extrovert, if you have more B’s you’re an introvert. If the number is close to even then you’re most likely an ambivert, like me, someone with elements of both.
INTROVERTS
Introverts are not always the people you think they are. Most people are shocked when they find out that I consider myself more introvert than extrovert. They see the smiling, laughing person who loves concerts and friends, but not the drained person who really wants to curl up with a book or a good sci-fi show and not talk to anyone.
Characteristics of an introvert:
Easily drained by too much human contact.
Easily overwhelmed by crowds, noise, movement.
Introspective (often mistaken as withdrawn).
Tend to have a few close friends.
Enjoy being by themselves.
Pros of an introvert:
Rarely get bored when on their own and can easily entertain themselves.
Don’t require constant social interaction for validation.
Can be a skilled leader due to willingness to listen to ideas and creating well thought out solutions.
Cons of an introvert:
Will often say yes to too many things to avoid conflict.
Can be difficult to sustain relationships with as they are less likely to be the ones to reach out.
Can become agitated when over-stimulated.
How you can be a friend to an introvert:
Give them space when they ask for it.
Reach out to them instead of waiting for them to reach out to you.
Make it safe for them to say no to you.
Ask them what they need instead of assuming as they may not be verbalizing their needs.
How to be an introvert in a stimulating world:
Give yourself sensory breaks, like going to a quiet room, using noise canceling earphones, or taking a solo walk.
Be clear with those you live or work with about your needs.
Challenge yourself now and then to step out of your comfort zone.
I think the world needs introverts. Imagine a world full of extroverts all trying to get attention.
I love my introverted side. She keeps me grounded. She made it so being an only child was never lonely. I wouldn’t give up this side of myself for anything.
EXTROVERTS
Get ready for a party! Extroverts gain energy through being with other people. My hubby is an extrovert who fully admits he has FOMO (fear of missing out). He is often the last to leave any gathering.
This wild redhead whom I spend my life with has shown me the benefits of stepping outside of my quiet places. Without him I never would have found the community of punk rock that I love. Can you believe I actually enjoy being mosh pit-adjacent!? That energy makes me smile and sing, and dance (that’s my extroverted side). And then I fall asleep on the way home (my introvert is totally drained).
Characteristics of an extrovert:
Energized by the party.
Love meeting new people.
Are cheerleaders, and activists.
Outgoing, gregarious, active.
Get what they want in life through assertiveness.
Pros of an extrovert:
They are action-oriented.
Good at group work.
Excellent networkers.
Cons of an extrovert:
Can be attention-seeking.
Sometimes act without thinking.
Can feel isolated if they have too much alone time.
How you can be a friend to an extrovert:
Accept their energy and let them run with it.
Check them now and then when they go a little too far.
Give them opportunities to lead and plan.
How to be an extrovert in world with so many possibilities:
Stay focused on your goals.
Notice if your energy is draining someone else.
Lean into your instincts to lead, but don’t over extend yourself.
We need extroverts! Can you imagine a world full of people who want to stay home curled up with a cat, a fuzzy blanket, and Netflix? Nothing would ever get done.
I love my extroverted side as much as the introverted. As an only child extroversion didn’t come naturally to me, but I’ve learned to embrace it in small chunks. Living with an extrovert has taught me to step out of my comfort zone and helped me maintain friendships I would likely have let fade away.
IT’S A TIE
Neither one is better or worse. The world needs to be balanced so, we need both introverts and extroverts.
The trick is accepting yourself as you are and the people in your life who are different from you.
Don’t be angry with the introvert who says no to going out, yet again. Try not to get frustrated with the extrovert who is perpetually pushing for more action.
This is how my husband and I have spent 24 years together. We accept each other and have even adopted traits from the other person. He’s embraced quiet Sundays, and lying still all day on a beach (under an umbrella with 70 SPF as he is a redhead). I’ve come to see the benefit of getting out of the house now and then to have new experiences, which helps keep potential depression away.
Pay attention to your own traits and honor them. Pay attention to the traits of others around you and respect them.
If you’re struggling to understand yourself or how to interact with those who approach life differently from you, Integrative Life Coaching can help you find your authentic self so you work with your personality and those around you for a successful life.