I’ve come up with a theory on how to find balance in life that I call “The Baby Bear Theory.” It’s the idea that we sometimes have to go the extreme ends of the spectrum, aka black and white thinking, to know what we don’t want. Then we can work toward settling in the middle or at the “just right” point.
You know the story: A little blond girl breaks into the home of three bears while they’re gone on a family outing. She rifles through their things, eats their food, and musses up their beds. Papa bear’s porridge is too hot, Mama’s is too cold, Baby’s is just right. Papa Bear’s bed is too hard, Mama Bear’s is too soft, and Baby’s is just right.
She was lost, scared, hungry and probably exhausted.
But even under those circumstances Goldilocks had the presence of mind to check the extremes before she found what was “just right” for her.
If she had tried the Baby Bear’s porridge and bed first, she might not have liked them because she didn’t have anything to compare them with.
Extremes get a bad rap. We assume we should never go too far in anything we do because it will inevitably lead to something bad. Note “should” and “never” in that sentence, they’re they warning that something is off with the statement.
It’s living in the extremes that tends to injure you. Checking them out to create a barometer to figure out what you want can be healthy.
WHAT IS “JUST RIGHT”?
Another assumption we make is that everyone else’s “just right” is the same as ours. Or that ours is supposed to look like someone else’s.
You are a beautiful, unique unicorn who needs to find her own path.
In the Three Bears story, Papa may have really like super-hot porridge. Just because it wasn’t Goldilocks’ jam, doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Mama clearly likes a nice soft bed to snuggle into. Goldilocks’ preference for Baby Bear’s middle ground mattress doesn’t mean that’s the only correct bed for anyone to sleep in.
[You might like crazy-spicy food, and your best friend might tear up just sitting across the table from you and your caliente lunch choice. Neither one of you is wrong. Your just right spice level is simply different from hers.
Your husband might be a night owl who loves to stay up late watching movies and playing video games, and is all about sleeping in until 11:00 on a Sunday. You might be a night person who loves getting up at 6am to get stuff done, then falls asleep on the couch at 9pm.
Neither one of you is wrong. One person’s extreme may be someone else’s just right.
FINDING THE MIDDLE PATH
In yoga we talk about finding the middle path. Not pushing too hard in a posture, but also not cheating yourself by skipping out on the challenge.
Apply this to life. Balance. Isn’t that what most of us are spending our lives trying to find?
We need to test the waters on either side of our path in order to find out where the middle is. Don’t be afraid to try out something new or different now and then. You may even find out you’ve been veering off to one side or the other, when you thought you were on course. Testing the edges helps you redefine your middle path throughout your life.
HOW YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER BABY BEAR
This is going to involve a little risk. Not physically or emotionally dangerous risk, but risk nonetheless.
Take a look at your life and see if there’s anything other people have given you feedback on that you either do too much, or too little of.
For example: Has someone expressed concern that you workout too much, and that it might be the cause of injuries or illnesses? Or has some one pointed out that you never say yes to invitations to go out to dinner, after work drinks, or other social events, and they’re concerned you’re isolating?
Instead of brushing away that input, take a moment to consider it.
Could there be something there?
Even if you don’t know the answer, maybe it’s still worth investigating.
Try doing the opposite of what you would normally do.
Don’t compromise your values, of course.
Don’t put yourself in danger.
Do pull yourself back or push your yourself out of your comfort zone in a controlled experiment.
Take in information from your experiment.
Did you notice you had more energy in a week that you took a day off from working out?
Did you actually have fun at the event you accepted the invite to?
Recognize what didn’t work for you.
If you went from working out seven days a week, to working out two days, you might have felt that was going too far. Adjust and try it again by doing four or five days instead.
If you accepted an invite to a rave and that pushed you way too far outside your comfort zone, leaving you feeling anxious and vulnerable, perhaps you reevaluate and say yes to a coffee date next instead.
Find your middle path while figuring out what’s just right for you. You may find that you’ve been doing things exactly right all along. That would be very validating, wouldn’t it?
Or you might find out that there are other ways to do things that you’ve been ignoring, and might like to incorporate in your life moving forward.
THIS IS YOUR LIFE, LIVE IT
You don’t have to be anyone other than who you are. The world needs your uniqueness.
However, the most secure and stable of us can benefit from checking out our habits and patterns now and then to see if they still fit by intentionally wandering off the path toward the other end of the spectrum now and then.
For help trying to figure out how the heck to do this I’ll be here as your Life Coach. That’s my job, to walk beside you on the path so you don’t have to feel alone. And I’ll help you find your way back if you feel like you go too far.
Remember, you aren’t alone. We can do this together!