There are a handful of basic questions every decluttering expert will tell you to ask yourself when you’re decluttering your home.
Do I like this?
Do I use this?
Is this broken?
Did I even know I had this?
If I didn’t have this, would I get another one?
It would be lovely if those questions were all it took to make decisions about what to keep and what to let go of. It isn’t that simple, though, is it?
Those initial questions are the surface. To really make inroads into your decluttering, you’re going to have to go beneath the surface.
That’s why I do what I do, to help people just like you figure out how to safely dive beneath the surface and discover truths that set you free from your stuff and your habits.
THE QUESTIONS
There are so many more questions to ask, even on the surface of decluttering, than these five I’ve given you. For the sake of time, we’ll focus on these, for now.
Do I like/love this?
This brings up the Marie Kondo question of “Does this spark joy?” It can feel confusing because we don’t usually think about loving our stuff or having it spark joy in us. That’s a problem, though. A problem that has led to filling closets and homes with stuff that has little to no true value.
To do this you’re going to have to pick up and/or touch your belongings. It’s a human sensory thing.
When we touch something, it feels more real to us.
We connect through the nerve endings in our fingers and the information they send back to our brains.
When you pick up a t-shirt you aren’t expecting to have an emotional experience. But if you pay attention the emotion is there.
Close your eyes
Feel the fabric
Imagine wearing it
How do you feel?
Do you feel cozy, beautiful, sexy, or generally fabulous?
Or do you feel meh? So-so, whatever, take it or leave it?
Or, if you’re honest with yourself, do you feel just awful?
Paying attention to those feelings and letting them guide you, instead of how much you spent on it, or who bought it for you, moves you closer to having things that energize you instead of dragging you down.
Do I use this?
No, I mean, really. Do you use that thing, whatever it is? Not, do you think you’ll use it someday. Not, that you used it once when you bought it five years ago. Or even that you think you should figure out how to work using it into your life.
There’s an emotional experience we have when we come across things that we haven’t used in years.
You may be fearful you’ll it need someday. Or you might feel shame over getting rid of something you used once, or never used. As if using it will make you a better person because it justifies the purchase.
It might be hard to believe, but it isn’t always as easy as logically answering yes or no to a few questions.
Is this broken?
If it were as easy as saying “Yes, this thing is broken so I’m getting rid of it”, you wouldn’t have stuff cluttering up your house.
We fool ourselves into thinking we’ll fix it eventually. Or that it will magically start working again. We’ll even buy another one of the broken thing, and yet, still not get rid of it.
Broken necklaces, earrings missing a mate, coffee makers that don’t make coffee, curling irons that don’t heat up anymore, beat up sneakers, t-shirts with holes too big to be trendy or fixable (don’t get me started on the t-shirt that got stapled to justify keeping it), and any one of a thousand other things that don’t do their job anymore.
The only explanation is the belief you have about yourself if you get rid of the broken item.
Do you think you’ve failed if you toss it?
Do you think you’re killing the environment?
That you don’t deserve stuff that works?
This is about investigating your answers, not just stopping at the yes, or no.
Did I even know I had this?
When you uncover something during your decluttering that you don’t remember buying, or forgot you had purchased, it’s easy to feel obligated to keep and use the thing.
There was a reason I bought this in the first place, right? I must need it! – Even if you’ve owned it for five years and have operated just fine without it.
Again, it’s an emotional response that ties your worth to the keeping or tossing of a material object.
Your judgement of yourself for having forgotten about this thing is what’s holding you back.
I will admit that now and then some treasure is found during decluttering that gets worn or used immediately. Now and then, I say. It’s the exception to the rule.
More often it’s something like the Ring System you bought a year ago and never installed, rediscover, and then put aside saying you’ll get to that later, and then it becomes something you uncover again next year.
It’s hard to get over the emotional tugs inside of you that say you’re supposed to come up with a reason why you can keep this thing. But when you get down and dirty with yourself and you’re totally honest, you know you can not only live without something you didn’t even know you had, but don’t even need it.
If I didn’t have this, would I get another one?
During decluttering you’ll come across a lot of impulse purchases. Things you didn’t go to the store intentionally to buy, which is why they aren’t getting used now.
If you’ve emptied out your kitchen gadget cabinet and came across a spiralizer you bought umpteen years ago after watching a guest chef on Rachel Ray spiralize the crap out of a zucchini, you gotta ask yourself why the hell this thing is really here.
Let’s face it, no one really uses a spiralizer. Seriously, what’s the point? Do you also make little rosettes out of radishes? It’s a cute idea, but not terribly practical.
So, if you donated the spiralizer:
Would you even notice its absence?
Would you be running out to get another one?
Hey, maybe you love turning veggies into spirals. Great, keep the damn thing. Otherwise, set it free for someone else to use. You have not failed as a cook for your family or guests because you didn’t spend extra time fancying up their salad.
And, if it turns out you were wrong, and you do have a spiralizing emergency down the road, there will be another one to buy. Yes, you will spend extra money because you got rid of the first one. So, you have to ask yourself what is more important to you:
Not risking having to spend that money again.
Freeing up the space that dusty ol’ thing was taking up.
I can’t tell you the answer to that, you have to wrestle through it yourself.
THEMES BEHIND THE ANSWERS
I want you to notice the themes that kept popping up in the emotional responses to these answers.
Fear of feeling like or being seen as a failure.
Fear of being wrong.
Fear of wasting money.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of regret.
That’s a lot of fear. And we’re just talking about stuff, not life choices.
This is what I mean when I talk about how emotional decluttering really is. This is why you haven’t gotten to sorting through those boxes in the basement. It isn’t laziness, it isn’t a lack of time. It’s fear. Heck it might even be fear of being lazy or fear of not having enough time!
But in the end, it’s fear.
Ask yourself if you’re okay with fear running your life, or if you’re ready to face the lion in the den (or kitchen, bedroom…).
If you’re ready to make a change, Decluttering Coaching will help you sort through all of those feelings and come up with the answers you’ve been too overwhelmed to find.