It’s amazing how many things that seem totally mundane and logical are actually riddled with emotional reactions. Eating is one of those things.
In theory you eat to fuel the body you live in. Your body is a machine filled with systems and they need certain types of nutrients to keep them going.
That’s the theory.
The reality is that, sure, sometimes you’re eating to fuel the machine, but a lot of the time you’re eating for a ton of other reasons like:
Comfort
Boredom
Nervousness
Punishment
Reward
Loneliness
Habit
Let’s break those down.
COMFORT
Comfort food is usually seen as things like stews, mashed potatoes, buttery rolls, meatloaf, and other dense, fatty, carbohydrate-type foods. Winter in the north is filled with so called “comfort foods”. During the winter months we dive into warm, thick foods.
But comfort comes in many forms. Depending on your relationship with food, you may find chocolate to be comforting when you’ve had a tough day. You may turn to pizza, fast food, or anything fried.
When you want the instant gratification of food because life is rough, you’re probably not fixing yourself a salad.
When we want to be comforted, we’ll turn to the foods we perceive to be “naughty”.
It’s the wonderfully oppositional child inside of you that wants those cheese fries and wants them now, damn it!
BOREDOM
Sitting around the house, watching Netflix, Hulu, whatever, scrolling trough your phone, twiddling your thumbs…boredom.
You know there are twenty things you could get up and do, but you don’t want to do any of them. You might enjoy some of them once you got started, but you don’t want to be bothered with starting them. So, you find yourself staring into your pantry or refrigerator.
“Hmm, what’s in here?”, you ask yourself. You hem and haw. Nothing looks good. Then you grab something, anything, just to be doing something. A granola bar, a spoonful of peanut butter, a tub of ice cream, you know the stuff.
In boredom we aim at the easiest things to grab. It’s impulse at its finest.
You got to the state of boredom because you didn’t want to put effort into anything in the first place, so you’re highly unlikely to decide to cook yourself a healthy meal. You may make the effort to Door Dash something, but it’s still probably going to the be something impulsive that you’ll wish you’d resisted later.
NERVOUSNESS
Nerves. Anxiety. Worry. Fear. For some these feelings make their appetite disappear like Kayser Soze (watch The Usual Suspects). For most of us the nervous energy that comes with these feelings takes control of our hands and we find ourself mechanically stuffing chips in our faces.
Nervous energy needs an outlet. A healthy outlet preferably. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Talk to a friend. Do yoga. Action.
Unfortunately, you’re not always thinking straight when you’re nervous or anxious, so making those healthy choices to focus your energy into things like that gets hard. Then you’re back to staring at the pantry looking for an impulse snack (or two).
PUNISHMENT
For some reading this, punishment will seem like a strange connection to eating. So, I’m writing this for all of you who know exactly what I’m saying. Or at the very least do this, and need to have it pointed out.
You’ve done something you feel embarrassed about. You’ve said something you wish you could take back. You’ve disappointment someone, dropped the ball on something, or generally did something you’re criticizing yourself for.
You stop at Taco Bell on the way home from work and eat two burritos while driving. You grab that tub of ice cream in the freezer and eat the whole thing. Excess. When you’re punishing yourself with food, you’ll make choices you regret because of their form, but also because of the amount.
REWARD
I just made punishment and food sound pretty bad so you might think using it as a reward would be a great thing, right? Eh, not really.
I’m not saying you can’t reward yourself with a treat now and then. I mean, please do, if it will help you to not feel like you’re depriving yourself, which leads to binging.
I’m saying that consistently using food as a reward changes your relationship with it.
Instead of food being nourishment and enjoyable, it becomes something you only get if you’ve been “good”. So, when you have a treat outside of those parameters, you judge yourself.
LONELINESS
Loneliness is a cousin of boredom. But it’s so much more personal. Being alone is one thing. Being lonely is a whole different ballpark.
When you’re lonely you can feel like it’s because there’s something wrong with you. So, you go for the comfort of food, or maybe you punish yourself because of whatever it is that must be wrong with you that has brought you to this lonely place in life.
Impulse will kick in and choices are made, trying to make the feelings go away.
Here’s what I will share with you. Nine out of ten people I ask how long the “good” feeling lasts when they turn to food say, “While I’m eating.” The other one person says, “For about five minutes or so.”
Food is not the solution. It will not change your life circumstances. That’s up to you.
HABIT
Any one of these reasons to eat that I’ve described can lead to habits. Or you might have habits from childhood based on how your parents modeled eating for you.
Habits are anything we do with minimal thought.
There are healthy habits, like reaching for a clementine instead of chocolate when you want a sugar fix (I’ll be honest, that’s one I’m working on reinstating in my own life right now).
Then there are the unhealthy habits, anything that is impulsive and leads you to choices you regret later.
Habits have to be changed over time, with consistency of use.
They do best when substituted with something else, instead of just cutting the habit out completely. This is especially true with food.
I know, hummus and carrot sticks doesn’t feel quite as satisfying as a handful of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips, but if you give it enough time, like three weeks to three months (sorry, I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear) you’ll find you don’t crave the chips any more, and they might even be unappetizing because you’re no longer used to the excess salt and oil.
Habits can be changed. They take work, but they can be changed if you’re willing to do the work.
THEMES
There are themes throughout this about eating that have nothing to do with fueling the machine. Things like:
Impulse
Craving
Mindlessness
Instant gratification
Obstinance
Oppositional thinking
Self-criticism
When any of these things have a hold on you, it’s tough to shake them off.
You have to believe you’re worth it.
You have to decide that over and over and over again. You have to stop yourself and think about why you’re making the choice you’re making and decide if you’re going to follow though or make a different choice.
Changing your thoughts, beliefs, and habits are hard. Life Coaching, like me, is a great way to have someone in your corner who has no need to, or interest in, judging you, and who will help you with accountability if that’s what you need. But more importantly, I will help you create the change you’re looking for.