Ah, clothing. They make us or break us. They describe our style. They imply our self-image. They communicate our loves and hates. We get older and are drawn to different clothes that fit our changing lives. So how do you make sure that closet of yours is full of only clothes that match who you are today?
Intuition. Tapping in to that thing inside of you that has answers that you can’t logic out of yourself. This isn’t as woo as it sounds. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You have some article of clothing that you feel fierce in. Or safe. Beautiful. Strong. Free. That top that just makes you smile and say “oh, yeah” every time you put it on.
Over the course of my 40 plus years in this life styles have come and gone. And then come back again. I've been criticized for how I dress and applauded. So trendy! Too tight! Gorgeous color! Too short! Amazing shoes! You’ll break an ankle!
What I've learned is that none of it matters. What matters is, when I put on that piece of clothing, do I feel good?
If I'm trying new things on and I’m not sure, I don’t buy them. If something is already in my closet and I’m not sure about it, I wear it, and, if after a day, I still don't feel great, it goes on the donation pile. If I put something on and I feel great in it, but question what others will think, I still put it on, because all that matters is that I feel good. I don't have to prove anything to anyone or be approved of by anyone.
Our authentic self can be an ever-changing target. One year you may have a closet full of red and you can’t explain it other than that you just love how you feel in red (that was me in 4th grade). Then it might change to purple (I even had a purple boom box!). Maybe you love stilettos at one stage and Birkenstocks at another. It’s not necessarily that you aren’t being true to yourself. You may truly be changing that much over time.
So how are you supposed to know if your clothes are right for you? For this we’re going to look to Marie Kondo. I may not agree with everything she has to say, but that “spark joy” thing has something going for it.
What am I talking about? Marie Kondo, in case you missed the tidying craze, is a Japanese decluttering expert. She wrote the book Spark Joy that details her 4 stage, one size fits all, plan to declutter your home.
In this book she describes the first stage as pulling all of your clothes together in one pile. And I mean all of your clothes. Pull it all out of your closet, your drawers, the laundry room, the car, and every other random corner your clothes have gotten to. Now begin the most exhausting task you could ask for as you touch every item and feel whether it sparks joy or not.
If you have the wherewithal to do it this way, I highly encourage you go for it. If you’re pretty sure you’ll end up in tears and give up with your bed still covered in your entire wardrobe, feel free to break this down into categories.
But, the most important part of this process is the spark joy part. Go for it, roll your eyes. I’ll wait.
Done? Cool. I swear, it might not be totally clear the first time you go through your clothes. But, as you continue to whittle your wardrobe down again and again after this initial purge, you’ll notice that the stuff you’re left with you really do love.
You become in tune with what you feel amazing in and what pales in comparison. I have socks that make me sigh with love every time I put them on. I have jeans that feel like coming home every time I pull them on. Dresses that make me do a perpetual catwalk strut. Shoes that turn me into a badass.
And, if that sweater that you couldn’t stop wearing last year suddenly stops being something you reach for… Give it the one-day test. 9.8 times out of 10 it will go on the donate pile.
Love what you wear. If you don’t love your clothes then we need to purge and start over. Have a few items you adore instead of tons of items you never wear.
Stop worrying about what other people think. Stop worrying if other people agree with your style or not. Stop styling yourself for someone else. If you feel the best you in something then you were destined to be together. Never apologize for flaunting your true and authentic style.