Are you willing to throw caution to the wind and risk being different? Like being yourself even if others don't like it or don't understand? Are you willing to be so authentic that family and friends might turn away from you? Not being rude or mean. Calmly being yourself regardless of the fact that there are people in your life who will not be able to accept the true you.
Are you willing to face the discomfort of not being approved of? For the sake of knowing that you are living truth, not a lie? This is a big concept, with a lot of variables. So let’s start from the top.
We learn too early in life to try to fit in to feel safe. At school, at home, in society. We pretend a little here, lie a little there. Enough to get the approval of whomever we see as the alpha. A lot of the time we don’t even realize we’re straying from who we truly are.
As we get older we learn more and more tricks to get that approval. We try different things, and experiment with relationships. We tell ourselves more of those little lies to get what we think we want. A boyfriend or husband, a good job, a nice house, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. And we’re supposed to be happy once we’ve got all of that.
So why do so many people find themselves dissatisfied and hiding in things like alcohol, affairs, work, excessive exercise, and shopping? Because they have ignored what their soul needs and sacrificed themselves to fit and image someone else created. They try to hide, rebel, or give themselves a false sense of control.
To remedy this will take a ton of work. It’ll be hard and painful and worth every moment. We have to take that risk to be us. To find out who we really are. To figure out what we really want.
I have women tell me they don’t know what they want. No matter how many deep, meaningful questions I ask they can’t discover what they want unless they are willing to accept all that comes with being their authentic self.
This might mean some pretty big things will need to change in your life. You might be looking at a career change, which involves time and education, as well as often a temporary drop in pay. Maybe you’re looking at reevaluating the viability of your primary relationship. Yeah, that’s a scary one. What if being honest with yourself means you admit you don’t want that relationship? That it served a purpose for the woman you thought you were or were supposed to be at one time, but doesn’t serve the woman you know yourself to be today?
Maybe it means you start attending sister circles and smudging your home with sage. Maybe it means you cut and color your crazy long hair that everyone identifies as a part of your personality. Maybe you get a nose ring. Maybe you let yourself listen to Taylor Swift non-ironically.
I don’t know what deviating from the norm means for you. I don’t know what you’ve been hiding, or running from. I don’t know what you’re afraid will happen if you let yourself be you.
I do know that you will keep looking in all of the wrong places for happiness so long as you ignore your true self. There is a kind of peace that comes in those moments when you know you’ve clicked into the right place that is unmistakable – as long as you let yourself feel it.
Yes, you may scare and confuse the people around you. They may criticize you and tell you that you’ve changed and you need to go back to who you were before.
I’ll never forget a woman whose husband said that to her. He was referring to a time when their children were small and she sang all the time. She told me that what he didn’t know was that she was singing to keep herself from losing her mind. He thought she sang because she was happy. He said this to her after she moved out of their huge home in a wealthy neighborhood, to a small apartment she could call her own. And she was happy.
In the end, are you willing to be you? Because if the people in your life cannot accept you, maybe there is something awry in those relationships. I'm not asking you to change anything today. I'm just asking that you take a moment and sit with these questions. Notice the feelings that come up. Take no action for now. Sit with it. You'll know when the time is right to move.