We are complex creatures with the ability to think, rationalize, and imagine. This is a blessing, and, when distorted, a curse.
I’m going to go through ten thought distortions you use and you’re going to decide to change your thinking to helpful instead of harmful.
You have the ability to choose.
You have the ability to notice what and how you are thinking and create change. Never let anyone tell you otherwise (including yourself.)
THOUGHT DISTORTIONS
Polarized Thinking
Sometimes called all-or-nothing, or “black and white thinking,” this happens when you habitually think in extremes.
For example: If you’re convinced that you’re either destined for success or doomed to failure, or that the people in your life are either angelic or evil, you’re probably engaging in this thought distortion.
This is unrealistic and usually unhelpful because most of the time reality exists somewhere between the two extremes.
Overgeneralization
When you overgeneralize, you reach a conclusion about one event and then incorrectly apply that conclusion across the board.
For example: You get a low score on one math test and conclude that you’re hopeless at math in general. You have a negative experience in one relationship and develop a belief that you just aren’t good at relationships at all.
Catastrophizing
This type of thinking leads you to dread or assume the worst when faced with the unknown. When you catastrophize, ordinary worries can quickly escalate.
For example: An expected check doesn’t arrive in the mail. If you catastrophize you may begin to fear it will never arrive, and that as a consequence it won’t be possible to pay rent and the whole family will be evicted.
It’s easy to dismiss catastrophizing as a hysterical over-reaction, but the fear behind the thought must be addressed so you can move forward.
Personalization
One of the most common errors in thinking is taking things personally when they’re not connected to or caused by you at all.
For example: You might be personalizing something when you blame yourself for circumstances that aren’t your fault, or are beyond your control. Another example is assuming you’ve been intentionally excluded or targeted when you have no logical evidence.
Mind Reading
When you assume you know what others are thinking, you’re mind reading. Please remember that we have not evolved to develop Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) yet so it’s highly unlikely that you can read someone’s mind (or that they can read yours.)
For example: You are sure you know that your spouse is angry with you because the house wasn’t vacuumed when he got home. The reality may be that he is preoccupied with something else and does not care about the state of the floors.
Consider all the evidence, not just the evidence that confirms your suspicions or beliefs. You can also ask the other person (calmly and gently, please) what they are thinking.
Mental Filtering
This is the tendency to ignore positives and focus exclusively on negatives.
For example: You only notice what your spouse does incorrectly, instead of noticing the things he has worked on to change to improve your relationship.
Interpreting circumstances using a negative mental filter is not only inaccurate, it can also lead to resentment based on something that isn’t even true.
Discounting the Positive
Like mental filters, discounting the positive involves a negative bias in thinking. When you discount the positive you aren’t ignoring or overlooking something positive. Instead, you’re explaining it away as a fluke or sheer luck.
For example: Instead of acknowledging that a good outcome is the result of skill, smart choices, or determination, you assume it must be an accident or some type of anomaly.
When you believe you have no control over your circumstances, it can reduce motivation and create a sense of “learned helplessness.”
“Should” statements
When you find yourself thinking in terms of what “should” and “ought” to be said or done, it’s likely that a thought distortion is at work. It doesn’t help to chastise yourself with what you “should” be able to do in a given situation. “Should” and “ought to” statements are usually used to create a negative view of your life.
For example: “I should be better at housekeeping because I’m a 40-year-old woman.” When the reality is that your age (or gender) has nothing to do with whether you would have that skill or not.
These thoughts can create low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and even a loss of hope for change.
Emotional Reasoning
Emotional reasoning is the false belief that your emotions are the truth — that the way you feel about a situation is reality.
For example: If you feel like someone doesn’t like you, that becomes your truth, even though you have no evidence, or may even have evidence to the contrary.
It’s important to listen to, validate, and express emotion. It’s equally important to judge reality based on rational evidence.
Labeling
Labeling is when you reduce yourself or others to a single — usually negative — characteristic or descriptor
For example: If you label yourself or someone else as “stupid” or as a “failure” based on a single incident (or even a sequence of similar incidences) you are creating a false reality that takes no other evidence into account.
When you label, you define yourself and others based on a single event or behavior. Labeling can cause you to berate yourself, and cause you to misunderstand or underestimate others.
HOW TO DEAL
The good news is that all distortions can be corrected over time. Here are some steps you can take to change thought patterns that may not be helpful:
Identify the troublesome thought.
a. When you realize a thought is causing anxiety or dampening your mood, a good first step is to figure out what kind of self-sabotaging thinking is going on.
Try reframing the situation.
a. Look for shades of gray, alternative explanations, objective evidence, and positive interpretations to expand your thinking.
b. Write down your original thought, followed by three or four alternative interpretations.
Perform a cost-benefit analysis.
a. We usually repeat behaviors that deliver some benefit, therefore you might find it helpful to analyze how your thought patterns have helped you cope in the past.
b. Do your thoughts give you a sense of control in situations where you feel powerless? Do they allow you to avoid taking responsibility or taking necessary risks?
c. Ask yourself what that thought distortion costs you. Weighing the pros and cons of your thought patterns may help motivate you to change them.
THE TAKE-AWAY
You are not a victim to your thoughts. You have control over them. It can be tough to face the truth of our distortions or to even see them as distortions in the first place.
Keep working at it. Keep checking in with yourself when you feel crappy or have crappy thoughts. Keep this list with you to check.
Changing your thought patterns can be tough, especially those distortions that have been with you all or most of your life.
That’s where an Integrative Life Coach like me helps. I can work with you to find the distortions, ask the questions you need to sort through them, and help you create new thought patterns.
You and your future can be whatever your thoughts decide they will be!