Tired of cleaning that huge house you bought to raise your family in? Or maybe that spacious home you bought because you could finally afford your dream home?
Different things and even people, have seasons in our lives that come and go. It isn’t a bad thing when a season passes, it’s only change.
Change can feel scary because it moves us into unfamiliar territory.
But change can also open us up to better lives. Downsizing gives you the opportunity to value other things in life like experiences, over material goods.
Besides, having a smaller house is a lot like having a smaller purse, you can’t put as much in it, and when you want to clean it out, it takes a heck of a lot less time. Simplifying life by reducing the space you have to take care of can be a relief.
WHY DOWNSIZE?
There are many seasons in life during which people downsize. I’m going to focus on the three that I see the most:
The kids have moved out.
It feels right.
Divorce.
THE KIDS HAVE MOVED OUT
This first one is bitter-sweet. You raise your kids to be independent so they can move out and move forward with their lives, but when they do it may hurt your heart a little.
But there are also a few nice benefits to the kids moving on with their lives.
After moving into a smaller home, you no longer have rooms that never get used and yet the cleaning lady still has to dust and vacuum them. You can walk around the house in your underwear any time of the day (close the curtains first, please.) And things stay in place instead of being moved about by everyone else.
I’ll never forget years ago when my first empty-nester client tearfully processed her sadness at sending her youngest off to college. The next week she was smiling ear-to-ear. “I put my coffee mug on the counter before I left for work, and when I got home, it was still there!” I’ve heard some version of this story countless times since then.
You can find delight in this new chapter of life!
IT FEELS RIGHT
There are those who work toward a more balanced and simplified life and downsizing is the next right move for them.
I worked with one woman who had been working on herself and her relationship with her belongings. Over about a two-year period she and her husband decluttered their four-bedroom home down so far that they were able to move to a two-bedroom condo – comfortably.
You don’t have to embrace minimalism at this level to simplify your relationship with material items.
I knew another woman who was living in her 4000-sqaure-foot home with her two adult sons and her aging father, and decided they needed to downsize. The larger home allowed for everyone to have their space, but it no longer fit her values to own a home she needed two air-conditioning units for.
We change over time, and so do our wants and needs.
DIVORCE
One specialty I fell into due to my focus on empowering women, has been supporting those women through divorces.
One of the top things they worry about is the house – how they’ll decide who keeps it or whether or not to sell it.
The majority say, “I don’t want that house.” There can be a lot of bad memories wrapped up in a house that she doesn’t want to continue to live with.
Often a home has been bought with the incomes of two people taken into account and taking over that mortgage isn’t always feasible. Most often, though, she tells me she does not want to continue to take care of all of that space.
I’ve watched women go through the emotional turmoil of a divorce to come out the other side living in a smaller home they have made their own, that feels cozy, livable, and much easier to take care of. I love seeing their smiles at this stage of their journey.
BIGGER ISN’T ALWAYS BETTER
We have been living in a culture that has been telling us for years that we’re only successful if we have a huge home, a fancy car, and tons of expensive clothes.
But things are slowly shifting the other way.
Less is more.
With less space to care for you might find:
You spend more quality time with your loved ones because you can’t hide at opposite ends of the house.
You spend less time cleaning.
You spend less money on utilities.
You spend less on your mortgage and taxes.
You feel more in control of your home, instead of the other way around.
You feel lighter having released tons (literally) of weight in reducing your belongings.
You lose fewer things because they have fewer places to have gone.
You have more time to do the things you want.
THE DREAM CHANGES
Over time what once made sense for your life may no longer fit. There were reasons you bought that big house in the first place.
The reason you’re ready to downsize is because life did exactly what it was supposed to do, keep evolving.
There are a lot of feelings that come along with all of this, though.
If the kids are gone you may miss them, or they may be angry you don’t have enough guest rooms for all of them anymore. Hopefully the money saved on that mortgage, and the ability to walk around in your underwear whenever you want to, makes up for some of that.
Even downsizing as the result of a well-thought-out plan to simplify life can come with some fear when you move into that smaller space. Will you and your partner get on each other’s nerves? Will you feel closed in during northern winters? I find all of those fears melt away over time when it was truly well-thought-out plan.
When downsizing comes on the heels of a loss like divorce the mixture of emotions from sadness to elation can make you woozy. So far, every woman I’ve worked with who made the decision to downsize has said it was the best thing she could have done, and that she feels like she can breathe easier in the smaller home.
SHOULD YOU DOWNSIZE?
Whether you fall into one of these three categories or not, you can answer these four questions to begin examining your relationship with the space you live in:
Do you feel overwhelmed in your house?
Is your home outside your budget?
Do you have rooms or areas of the house that never get used?
Are you aching for greater simplicity in your life?
If you said yes to even one of these questions, I’d say it’s time to really start considering a change. No one can tell you if it’s the right move for you except you, though.
So, if you need some help sorting through all of the emotions and confusion that comes up when you think about a change like this, it’s time to start your Integrative Life Coaching where you and I will find balance for your life, and answers to your questions.