Self care is often misunderstood. Or at least gets confused with maintenance. Yes, if things like getting your nails or hair done feel good, then that is taking care of yourself. However, I know some women who for whom these are tedious, which true self care is not. So let's think of it on another level. Do you listen to your body? To your heart? Your instincts? When you truly listen to those they will tell you the little (or sometimes huge) things you would benefit from doing. That’s what self care is.
Instead of telling yourself to push through your day, pause now and then to check in as to how you're really doing and what you need. If your wrists are stiff from typing all day take 30 seconds to stretch them out now and then. Maybe stopping and taking a walk isn't going to get more work done, but it sure will help you to have more resources to pull from to get that work done. Base your self-care on what you need, not what someone else says you need. This takes self-awareness, which will require you to quiet down and listen now and then. And it will require your willingness to prioritize yourself in the face of your long to-do list.
To care for yourself is to trust your gut, shut down the invalidating logic and a find smidge of bravery now and then.
Let’s take the classic bubble bath. 50% of you just went, “Ooo!”, and 50% said, “Dear Lord, no!” For those of you opposed to a bubble bath take a little time to examine what that visceral reaction was about. Do you feel like you’re wasting your time in the bath? Do you become agitated and bored? Do you hate sweating in a tub? Feel into it. What does your body tell you about this activity that says this is not for me?
For those of you who love a bath, why? Again, listen to your body. What is it about that experience that makes you melt with joy? Imagine being in that tub. Feel the water. See your surroundings. Listen. Smell. What sensory experiences are calling you?
Personally, I’ve always been on the fence. I wanted to love a bubble bath, but, it just didn’t do it for me. Then I started doing a Sunday night Epsom salt bath, in the dark with a couple of candles, and my book with my reading light. The whole experience sets me up for the coming week and the Epsom salts (which detoxify and heal) give it a sense of purpose I hadn’t found before.
Previously, any time I took a bath it was kind of forced. I wasn’t listening to my body. I didn’t have a real sense of purpose. You’d think the purpose would be clear, relaxation, but each person is so unique that it’s not that cut and dry.
Which is why we all need to listen to our own body’s responses to what we think of as self-care.
Is your joy found in dinner with friends? Meditation? Playing video games? Dancing? Being outside? Curling up with a book? Listening to music? Hiding from your kids in your closet while you paint your toes drinking a glass of wine (this is a real example from a dear friend).
Don’t logic yourself into or out of what you love to do to care for yourself. This is about your heart and soul. Someone else’s answer may inspire yours, but their answer might not fit you exactly.
Close your eyes and imagine doing the thing you’re considering doing. Listen to your body’s reaction. If it cringes, listen. If it yearns, listen. This is no time to second guess. Be open. Try some stuff. And accept that what was once the answer may change, and something else may take its place. It’s okay.
I call it the evolution of self-care. You will ebb and flow. You will be drawn one direction at one time in your life and another later on. Let the old one go, if it no longer serves. It might even come back around. You never know. Allow the new experience to fill you with the joy and comfort you’re craving.
Ultimately, this is totally personal and unique. Your body will tell you everything you need to know, if you give it the chance.